Stressed and depressed part time uni drop out
It has been a while since my last post! I started this blog just after I finished school and I guess a lot has happened since. Starting uni and getting used to living in York there was definitely a lot going on. My first year of uni was a tad odd as Covid 19 was being introduced to the world. The usual uni lecturers on campus were being spent online. Instead of sitting in a lecturer I was getting out of bed to watch a lecturer on my laptop practically 5 minutes before it started. Definitely a very strange way to be beginning uni. Despite so much around me being closed down and not being able to live the normal uni life for a while the first year of uni still had some great moments. But after a year of uni online I think its fair to say uni got a bit boring and a tad depressing.
Over this time this blog has kind of been put on pause. Starting uni and living a completely different life now in York drew me away from it. But there is so much more I want to share on here about my Epilespy.
After a year and a half at uni my epilepsy got to a whole other level and trying to be at uni at the same time was just not working anymore. So I have decided to take a year out of uni. My Epilespy has hit a point where leaving uni and working out what the hell is wrong with my brain became more of a priority.
Uni has made it much more difficult to spend time in sharing my story with my epilepsy and I want to share that more now. My Epilespy is a confusing and strange one for sure and I know now as I am spending my time dealing with it I also want to spend the time talking about it on this blog. After all this time at uni I now am going to concentrate more on figuring out what is going on with my broken brain.
My Epilespy is quite complicated and uni is also a lot to take on. I have enjoyed many parts of my life at uni but I got to a point where it was starting to drive me a little insane! I have not really known what I want to do or where I want to be for a while. Basically ever since I left school I have been questioning what the hell I do now. I have left uni now in the middle of second year as the amount of stress it brought me was taking me to a whole other level. On top of that when you have a broken brain it just does not feel like it is going to work.
First year was not to bad. I mean I spent most of it in my uni room/flat or at home because of Covid! But from the start of second year and my brain continuing to freak out I have realised and told myself I need at least a chance and a moment to take a break from it all. It is no lie that uni can really stress you out and take your mental health to a whole other level. For me when my depression and mental health were already a mess from my epilepsy then being affected by uni also just became to much. Will I go back to uni? Will I find something different from my year out? Honestly right now I just don’t know!
With out wanting to sound to dramatic haha I then saw a video on Tiktok that really made me stop and think. It was from davidjpphillips who said ‘use the weekend to build the life you want not to escape the life you have’. I felt straight away that I completely needed a break to deal with my Epilespy and figure out what I want. When your head is at this much of a mess at uni then why the hell was I there.
I don’t at all want to be complaining about my Epilespy or making any excuses for my epilepsy. This blog is to share my experiences with my epilepsy. My epilepsy has been all over the place and can be pretty unique (or atleast it definitely seems that way when I am having a seizure and no one knows what the hell is going on!). Many people when I first tell them about my epilepsy say that they have never heard of epilepsy being like mine is. I want to create more awareness about my type of epilepsy. The way my brain freaks out when I’m having a seizure people are always shocked and have no idea what’s happening to me. And honestly when I was first diagnosed with my epilepsy I didn’t even realise they were seizures!
Just now I wanted to post a short update as it has been quite a while since I have posted anything on this blog. I want to share my fun hospital times I’ve had….haha and many other parts of my epilepsy. I am sure there are many other people out there with all kinds of epilepsy that feel quite the same. Our brains are all unique. This is mine and the epilepsy I have that is not very well know.
Lucy xo
ps. Feel free to check out my Tiktok and Twitter or subscribe to the blog!
Twitter: @lucy_mcmenigall
Tiktok: @lu.mcmen
