Goodbye 2019... hello 2020

It’s a new year! well what does that mean. The start of the new year can mean so many different things to different people. Moving forward and the beginning of so many different things. This year in particular means the start of different things and changes for me as I go from finishing school in 2019 to starting uni in september 2020.

Both exciting times and kind of scary times. The new year means there is so much to be looking forward to about but also so much to think about and reflect on from last year.

I want to think about how 2019 was exciting with so many changes being planned out for the future but also sadly there were some lows with the not so exciting times my epilepsy gave me.

Looking forward at the start of a new year gives people a chance to stop and have a new start. Thats I guess why i’m making a post about going from 2019 to 2020. I didn’t really think writing about starting a new year would be something there would be much to say about but when I think about the new year I see its also a chance to think about the past year as well as this year coming.

I want to think about the highs and the lows of 2019. What made me happy and what went well. But also a new year can mean a chance to put behind you what was crap and what you hope to change.

2019

From 2019 there is of course the main happy celebration I had that school finally came to an end! I mean I had literally been at that place for 15 years it was definitely time for a change. I had dreamed about this day and finally it had happened.

Honestly I’m not over exaggerating when I say I couldn’t wait for a change. I mean I literally had a count down on my phone for the days I had left before I was going to finish. School can be great when your with friends and have the wright people with you but you hit a point (or at least me and quite a few of my friends did) where you just want out of there and to be doing something else.

As well as leaving school the highs from 2019 also involved many things such as going on holiday with friends to holland and going away with the fam to greece.

There of course was the excitement about uni now that school was behind me but at the same time the worry of where I was going to go or what I was going to do. As per usual nothing is ever simple with me and a few month after I accepted my offer to go to uni at york st john university to study event management they emailed me to say oh btw we aren’t doing that course anymore so you’ll need to swap to a different course…ffs!

I literally woke up to an email about this one morning and just wanted to laugh. My friend was like only this would happen to you Lucy haha. I remember people’s reaction when i told them btw I have an unconditional position at the uni I really want to go to but actually no degree/course. I just thought don’t panick it will be fine it will be fine and thankfully it ended up even better than fine because i’ve ended up with a course I’d rather take, fashion marketing.

Knowing that my love for shopping also means I now realise want to work in the fashion industry meant that I found myself a job in a shop, Cath Kidston.

I guess one of the best things through out 2019 has been me finding a path into working in fashion and finding a place at uni to study fashion!

Ending school in 2019 meant figuring out wtf I was going to do next! Sometimes things turn out for the best and the path you thought you were going to go down changes but it changes for the better.

Epilepsy 2019

I also of course want to mention my epilepsy throughout 2019. This was not so much of a highlight in 2019!

In 2019 my epilepsy has really not changed/improved. Its been frustrating knowing that after a whole 12 months of trying different medicine Ive not really got very far in helping my broken brain feeling a little fixed for once.

At the start of the year one of the drugs I was on was Carbamazepine and about 4 months ago after spending most of the year on that drug we decided it was going nowhere and changed from Carbamazepine to keppra.

In my previous epilepsy post I explained the change from Carbamazepine to Keppra.

I knew this medicine change could have gone one of two ways. Either the Keppra was going to be the drug that I was missing in my system and taking it was was going to help the freaked out parts of my brain and make them happy and healthy or the panicked brain was going to continue to feel out of control.

This broken brain of mine had put me at such low points in 2019. It became not just about epilepsy it became about mental health and my general feeling of giving up. Idk if that was my medicine or my general epilepsy problems but either way it created my crappiest feeling in 2019.

In 2020 I simply just hope that how this crap in my life isn’t quite so crappy.

It’s 2020!

For me personally a new year feels like it should be a chance to get my ducks in a row!

Work out what on earth I’m going to do next. What I’m going to learn and aim for.

It may seem a bit cringe trying to pick goals or ‘new year resolutions’ but at the same time I think it gives what I need.

For me one of my goals is fitness and especially going running more. I know this is quite a classic goal more people do. Gyms are always twice as busy in January and February with so many people saying this will be the year i go to the gym. But i mean it’s not just the gym I want to be at more its swimming, its running and its a new sport to take on.

This isn’t about loss of weight or anything like but lets be real someone is always going to feel healthier and better with a fit and healthy body.

As well as general health soooooooo many people have always said exercise could always help my epilepsy. So as I’ve said already as that has been so shit so far I think if fitness is going to help I should at least try that!

I think sometimes there is an importance in having a goal and an aim for a new year. Even if it is something so simple and small.

But for in 2019 my general fitness I think was one of the things that was bringing me down so much in 2019. My sister actually said to me what do you want? She’s a big fan of lists and she told me to make a list and think of what the top thing I want from 2020 is.

So its a new year and my biggest goal is to think about this list and what I can achieve from it. As I’m on my gap year right now I’ve actually been given a chance to step back and think about what I want and this year I want to achieve it!

If your reading this and thinking about 2020 for you…then whats your goal? where do you want to be by the end of 2020?

Lucy xo